You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
