I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My liver just had a heart attack.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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