How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
