And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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