i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
