would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
