So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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