do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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