Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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