I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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