first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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