OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
