Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
