She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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