i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
