ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
