he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
