dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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