he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
