my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
