is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
