I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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