After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
