can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
