I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
