I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
