Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Terrible idea I love it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
