Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
