You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
