no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
