I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
