You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
