I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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