I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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