I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
