The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Found the puke drawer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
