Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize