The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
