if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
only if we run a train.
done.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
