I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drake has all the answers
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
