just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
