I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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