Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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