dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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