I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
