im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
