Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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