I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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