shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
