What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
