I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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