Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
