I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
