i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
