hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
