Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Come on in and take your pants off
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