I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
