Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
