Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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