At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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