He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
