You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
