I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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