Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
