i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He better not be in your backpack
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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