i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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