I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
