I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
