I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
