doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
